Power of Positive Mechanics Binder

A record of a failed spirit home. A record of a failed partnership.

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Master Lucius Selig

Desert Trailer > Murok-Inoo > Portals Bermuda


A Birthday Gift

Lucius: Attached is the test chapter for your biography, written by myself. Happy Birthday, L! I love you so much. — Christian

The first thing they noticed after they stepped through the portal was the smell.

“It stinks like a locker room in here!” Christian said, holding the sleeve of his robe to his nose.

Lucius ignored the complaint. He ignored the swamp water and the fact that his shoes were filling with peat. He ignored the urge to scream when a dragonfly with a wingspan as long as his arm flew past his head, the drone of its wings creating a Doppler effect as it disappeared into a forest of tall, slender trees.

Lucius turned to Christian and grinned, an almost-manic expression he never used during the daily routine of running the church. He had never felt more powerful, but that could have been the oxygen high from the atmosphere.

“I did it!” Lucius said. “I told you I could take us anywhere!”

Christian, Lucius’ assistant, had been asleep for about 45 minutes when Lucius materialized in his bedroom. Thinking his boss was an intruder (well, a different kind of intruder) Christian tossed a lamp at his head. Lucius’ form rippled in space for a moment after the lamp passed through him. It didn’t hurt but it did ruin his entrance. Lucius intended to step through the portal into Christian’s bedroom with his arms to his sides, palms facing forward, his face an expression of beatific serenity. Could he go back a few moments in the past and try the entrance over again? another take? No. Why bother? He could use the entrance later. You don’t waste theatrics like that.

“Chris,” he said. “Get dressed. I need your help.”

“I can’t. I have work in the morning. Um. You look nice,” Christian said, trying to slow his pulse. It seemed as though there was an obvious question he was forgetting to ask but he couldn’t think what that was. The fuzzy smell of ozone around Lucius was distracting and the flash when he appeared filled Christian’s vision with purple and lavender spots.

“Aren’t you going to ask how I did that?” Lucius asked. Oh. That was it. Christian felt his head move up and down.

“I’ve done it, Chris. I’ve achieved actual temporal and physical displacement. No tricks, no astral projection, I can move through both time and space now.”

Christian hadn’t stopped nodding.

“Like we were working on.” Lucius reminded him. “We can build Portals Bermuda now.”

It finally clicked. “Portals!” Christian stumbled out of bed, kicking the sheets from around his ankles. He hugged his boss. Lucius patted him on the back.

“’Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father,’” Lucius said.

Christian laughed and gave Lucius a little shove. “Knock it off with that cornball shit. Okay. I’ll call in sick tomorrow. What are we doing?”

“I packed a bag for you,” Lucius said, handing Christian a hiking pack.

“What are we doing?”

“Location scouting,” Lucius said, smiling. “And put your robes on. This is church business.”

Lucius opened the portal in front of them. The sensation of traveling through started at a space just behind Christian’s eyes before it took over his entire body. It was accompanied by a sound, a high-pitched frequency. Christian could sense every piece of his inner ear anatomy vibrating independently of each other. The sensation eventually settled in the pit of Christian’s stomach, where it festered and became nausea.

Christian couldn’t be sure, but he thought he saw another Christian and Lucius traveling in the opposite direction, possibly toward home? He did his best not to think too much about this, sensing a paradox. The other end of the portal rushed toward them, sunlight bouncing off the flotsam particulate matter in the space between dimensions.

Once the portal closed and the final wisps of ozone diffused off his robes, Lucius raised his arms and surveyed the prehistoric swamp in front of them. He took in another lungful of the oxygen-rich air and felt his head buzz.

“Where are we?” Christian asked.

“Portals Bermuda!”

“Where are we really?”


“Would you please stop—“

“Eventually. This will eventually be Pennsylvania. We’re near the equator in the late Paleozoic era. We’re standing in what’s called a ‘carboniferous forest.’”

Christian sat down in the ankle-deep slime, “I feel dizzy.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. I think we should build the visitors center over there, with the meditation deck facing the direction where the trees aren’t as thick. This place gets some amazing sunsets. The guests will eat that up.”

Christian had a terrifying thought. “Lucius,” he whispered. “There aren’t any — you know — ?” he held his elbows to his side, mimicking tiny T-Rex arms. He made a snarling face.

“Dinosaurs? Nah. No monsters here, unless you count that dragonfly that nearly took my head off. It’s just us, some enormous insects and all of these plants that will eventually turn into piles and piles and piles of coal.”

Christian had worked for Lucius long enough to guess what he was thinking. “We’re here to stake a claim.”

Lucius tapped an index finger to his forehead and pointed to his assistant. “That’s why we’re a team, Chris.”

Lucius and Christian worked over the next several months. They hiked around the beds of murky peat, charting everything, taking meticulous notes of where the Church of Positive Mechanics would one day build its first coal mine. The visitor center took shape, built by Lucius’ most trusted followers.

It was difficult at first. Christian woke up on the first morning to find a millipede as long as his leg hiding in his boot like a hellish game of whack-a-mole. But they made progress over the weeks that followed. After work was done for the day they feasted on boiled trilobites dipped in melted butter.

They sat in folding chairs on the deck of the visitors center and drank temporally-imported beer while they watched the sun set over the steaming waters. At night they huddled together in their tent, surrounded by the sound of frogs and the occasional buzzing sound from their bug zapper. They read from Lucius’ dog-eared copy of National Geographic that had an artist’s rendition of a carboniferous forest on the cover. Lucius looked more content than Christian had ever seen him.

Lucius dropped Christian off in his bedroom, just minutes after they left. “Love you, Christian. This will be huge for us. Just you wait.”

Christian managed three hours of sleep before waking up for work the next day. He laughed to himself while he was in the shower. Any scientist would kill for a sample of the eons-old spores he washed off his skin.

“As the Acolyte serves The Master, so Positive Mechanics serves Humankind.” — Master Lucius Selig


A Ritual to Enter Portals Bermuda

These are the ideas I was kicking around for the Ritual. Please review them and let me know what you think. Feel free to give me notes.

BTW, what are you up to on Saturday night? Do you want to grab dinner somewhere? :) - L.

Ritual Guidelines: Portals Bermuda Access

Followers who are of a sufficient level and who have paid the fees for the ceremony line up in the antechamber prior to the ritual. Ritual dress is required to keep decorum, but initiates may carry with them any item that they feel focuses their spiritual intent. (No pets. Not since that old lady and her poodle from a few months ago.)

The initiates speak to the Guard at the door and present him with their papers, showing that they are approved for the ceremony. Before entering the initiates speak with the guard one at a time.

Guard: “Master Lucius wishes to know what it is you seek.”

Whatever answer the initiate gives, permit them to pass into the inner chamber. Indulge them for a moment, but wave them through if they begin to ramble. We’re running a business and we don’t have the time to listen to 50 half-baked sermons from guests who are drunk on their own awareness.

The guard is to give the hand sign for “Power On!” as they enter.

The inner chamber is lined with cushions for seating. These cushions are to be arranged in a diamond, evocative of our “Power On!” symbol. I’ll be seated in the center of the diamond on a raised platform.

The important thing is to build atmosphere. The initiates need to know that they’re entering a sacred space. We need silks to hang on the walls, lavender candles, incense, music. Please make sure the interns know to change the music periodically because I’ll be in no position to do it myself. I was projecting with a client once and had to endure the same Enya song on repeat for forty-five minutes. Never again.

Seated next to my platform is my acolyte for the ceremony (that’s you, Chris!). Hold space while the guests come in. I’ll be in a trance-like state. Creating the wormhole to Portals and then holding onto the consciousness of everyone who enters takes a lot of effort. It’s easy enough with just one or two people, but 50 still feels kind of strange. Please make sure that I remain sitting upright. Keep a bottle of smelling salts in your robes if I look like I’m about to go into shock. Also, my chin sometimes rests on my chest when I’m in a trance and I make an embarrassing snoring noise. Please stop me from doing that.

Once everyone is seated ring the gong near the platform. You say the following lines:

Acolyte: When the great crystal Murok-Inoo spoke to Master Lucius, it said: “Follow me.” When Master Lucius followed, the Great Crystal was pleased and told Master Lucius: “Reward yourself.” And so Master Lucius broke off a shard of the great crystal.

And so must it be with us. Master Lucius followed, and so we must follow. Master Lucius was rewarded and so we must be rewarded. This is the great cycle of Positive Mechanics. Follow. Reward. Follow. Reward.

Feel your intentions rising from the center of your Zone of Positive Influence. Your intentions are creating a path for you. Master Lucius is waiting for you at the end of that path. He’s waiting for you in your Spirit Home. Follow Master Lucius and be rewarded. Follow. Reward. Follow. Reward.

Repeat “Follow. Reward,” and have the followers repeat it with you. Keep doing that until I’m able to project everyone in the room into Portals Bermuda with me.

Simple, right? I didn’t want to get too flowery with it. Let me know what you think.

I need to work out a schedule for my trances. Technically everyone who goes to Portals Bermuda is staying there for several days. We can fudge that a little because Portals is essentially a timeless space, but even so I’ll need to take breaks to do all of the boring human stuff required to keep me alive. I’m practicing so I can keep the structure of Portals Bermuda solid even if I’m not in a trance. I’m really close. The cash is one hell of a motivating factor!

Love ya, Christian! This is going to be huge for us! — Lucius

So Speaks Master Lucius!


Internship Program

From Christian Garcia

Acolyte to Master Lucius Selig and Program Director, Portals Bermuda

To: Brothers/Sisters of the Positive Mechanics Community

Subject: Portals Bermuda Internship Program, a Call for Applicants

Do you want to achieve spiritual growth, but can’t find the space in your budget? Then you’ll be happy to know that Portals Bermuda, the multiverse’s premiere resort for the spiritually aware, is seeking candidates for its exclusive internship program.

As a member of our Portals Bermuda family, you’ll get to work with Positive Mechanics Master Lucius Selig to create a one-of-a-kind soulful experience for our paying guests. In return, you can stay at Portals for as long as you like, working on your own spiritual development all the while.

Our interns fill vital roles at Portals Bermuda. They draw on the wisdom of Positive Mechanics to help with our visitors’ needs. With infinite patience and understanding, you’ll help our customers solve any problem, from answering weighty questions like “How do I achieve happiness?” to simple ones like, “Could you please direct me to happy hour?” You’ll guide nature hikes through Viridian Heights. You’ll change sheets. You’ll babysit children. You’ll apply sunblock to the backs of every tourist on Saint Malabados beach. You’ll be our first line of defense against reality-shattering paradoxes. You’ll play the role of Master Lucius Selig himself during the popular Positive Mechanics Passion play on the crystal dunes of Murok-Inoo!

You’ll even have access to exclusive areas of Portals Bermuda, such as the employee break room and the tool shed! There is enlightenment to be found, even in these simple locales.

Please note that while our paid positions are currently filled, there is still one opportunity for interns who would like to make some money. We’re seeking volunteers to mine for Lucian Crystals deep in the caves of Murok-Inoo*. As an expression of his gratitude, Master Lucius has agreed to pay mining teams with Portals Bermuda Fun Bucks for every ton of Lucian Crystals they dig up. This money is redeemable at any of our resort’s stores for fun merch such as food, water or souvenir T-shirts.

Don’t wait! Apply today! Kick your Zone of Positive Influence into high gear with our internship program.

Power On!

— Christian Garcia

*please provide your own mining equipment and breathing apparatus

“As the Acolyte serves The Master, so Positive Mechanics serves Humankind.” — Master Lucius Selig



Portals Bermuda Passion Play Script

Suitable for Children Ages 4-10

Guide: Have you focused your positive intentions, kids? Wow! That’s great. Now, if you follow me I think I can see Master Lucius over there. Let’s go talk to him!

Actor portraying Master Lucius: I have done it. Portals Bermuda is nearly complete. Finally, all of my followers will have a Spirit Home to visit whenever they like. I’ll teach everyone how to achieve their dreams. But who’s that over there?

Charter Agent: Muahaha! Not so fast, “Master” Lucius.

Guide: Oh no, kids. I don’t like the look of that guy. What’s he up to?

Charter Agent: People are meant to be weak. They’re easier to control that way. I was sent here to stop you, Master Lucius. Take that!

[Charter Agent ignites the flash paper in his hand.]

Guide: Master Lucius needs our help, kids! Hold up the crystals you bought in the gift shop. If we think good thoughts we can scare this guy away.

[Prompt the children to raise their Lucian Crystals above their heads.]

Charter Agent: Gah! No! The Zone of Positive Influence is too strong here. I have to get away. It burns!

[Charter Agent runs away.]

Guide: Great work! We showed that Charter character who’s boss. Master Lucius: Thank you, everyone.

Guide: No, thank you, Master Lucius. Without your perfect teachings we wouldn’t have been able to help you today. Say thank you to Master Lucius, children.

[Wait for the children to give thanks.]

Guide: Will you stay with us long, Master Lucius? Master Lucius: I don’t see why not!

Guide: Great! Would you like to get your picture taken with Master Lucius, children? Just have your parents give me $15 and line up over there. Don’t push, now.


So Speaks Master Lucius!


A Security Alert in a Manila Folder

Sir, our people in surveillance discovered this message last week. It took us a long time (too long) to decrypt it. This is just one of the messages, but there were several other signals we could not decode. We think they represent a credible threat to yourself and Portals as a whole. Someone is here trying to undermine us. This person isn’t alone. See for yourself. We should meet soon to plan a response to this threat.

Ben Dyson,
Chief of Security Portals Bermuda


From: Charter Scout

Reporting from: Saint Malibados > Portals Bermuda > Lucius Selig Anomaly

I’m going to assign more of our people to Portals Bermuda. This is such a mess. It’s bad enough that Selig is straining space-time by creating new dimensions in the first place, but what happened here is shocking even to me.

Selig needs to be put in his place; his ego is unforgivable. He has the powers of a god and how does he use them? To make a cheap resort accessible to anyone with a platinum credit card and no sense of shame. Selig has no idea what he’s messing around with. The very foundations of reality are structurally unsound here. This place is jerry-rigged to the point that the slightest disturbance will cause it to collapse into a universe-shattering paradox.

It’s so bad that I’m afraid to sneeze here, let alone activate most of our equipment.

Here’s the situation with Portals Bermuda as we understand it: Selig has travel agents on Earth who book vacation packages with tourists. These tourists are mostly followers of his “Power of Positive Mechanics” cult. They consider a trip here to be a kind of holy pilgrimage.

The tourists travel to Portals Bermuda through a wormhole located somewhere on Earth. We haven’t found this access point yet. Selig is being very cautious, almost paranoid, about his business. This is understandable, given his family’s history with us.

Portals Bermuda exists as a hub dimension, like a visitors center. There are other dimensions branching off that lead to realities Selig feels are of significant spiritual importance. We’ve heard the term “Spirit Home” being thrown around a lot here.

One of these dimensions, Saint Malibados, is especially concerning to us. Selig constructed most of the other Portals locations out of “whole cloth,” so to speak. They didn’t exist, and then Selig willed them into existence. But in the case of Malibados it looks he like he borrowed (read: stole) pieces of his home reality to build this one. We found this in his PR materials:

Saint Malibados

Why go to one beach when you can go to ten? We combined the most stunning features of the galaxy’s top-voted beaches to create St. Malibados.

Relax on sparkling white beaches, snorkel in Technicolor seas and marvel at the plasma show following the spectacular twin sunset.

Some people call it paradise, but we know it as St. Malibados.

We wondered what he meant by that, so we started comparing features of Saint Malibados to other beaches in our records. None of the beaches here bear any resemblance to the beaches on Earth, meaning Selig was copying other beaches in the universe.

Only he didn’t copy them, he took them. He stole ten tropical beaches out of our universe and stitched them together to create Saint Malibados. There are gaping voids in reality where our beaches once were. What he did— it’s grotesque, it’s extremely dangerous and it’s copyright infringement.

In light of this information, the line about the “twin sunsets” sounds even more alarming. Is Lucius Selig brazen enough to snatch two stars out of our universe and use them for his resort? I believe he is.

The hubris is sickening. I walk on these beaches, knowing what I know, and I see armies of tourists from god knows where or when drinking cheap beer and listening to Jimmy Buffet cover bands. I see a child cry as he drops an overpriced ice cream cone into the sand. People are letting their pets defecate on pristine beaches that had never been touched by a living creature before. The seagulls here are monstrous things, bloated and engorged from eating the trash left on a waterfront the size of a small continent. I was trying to take samples of the atmosphere yesterday and some jerk kept kicking sand in my face.

Selig must answer for this. I cannot wait to get my hands on him. I’m going to make him watch while we erase this abomination from existence.

Expect my next update tomorrow.



Are You Plotting Against Portals?


You are to call an emergency meeting for all staff and guests tomorrow. Tell everyone to report to the crystal caves. Have security form a parameter around the crowd; no one is to leave for the duration of the meeting. Meet with the head of security today to make sure you’re both on the same page.

You are to read the following to the crowd. Don’t disappoint me. — L.

My name is Christian Garcia, programs director for Portals Bermuda. I speak for Master Lucius, who could not be here today.

It has come to our attention that there are people here who do not want to see Portals succeed. Rather than going their own way and manifesting their intentions somewhere else, they are determined to topple Portals from within.

Friends, this is the most grotesque Negative Thought Pattern Master Lucius has ever encountered. Not only are these people trying to undermine our Teacher, they’re trying to undermine all of you as well. Nothing would make them happier than seeing you fail to grow as a spiritual beings.

But Master Lucius has foreseen this. He knows who seeks to stop him. They are the Charter. To any Charter who can hear me: he knows you’re out there. You have chosen to hide among our peaceful followers rather than make yourselves known. So be it. Master Lucius will weed you out.

The rest of us have a job to do: we must inform Master Lucius about any suspicious persons who could be trying to sabotage our faith. If you see someone behaving strangely, report it to security. If you see someone snooping around in a restricted area, report it. If you hear someone trying to sow discontent by voicing their Negative Thought Patterns, report it. Our security team will deal with these individuals.

We are certain that some of you have this information already. Therefore, we will not end this meeting until an appreciable number of you tell us about suspicious activity you witnessed. Do not worry about being retaliated against; Master Lucius will protect you. Master Lucius loves you. You will not be harmed. Please line up to the right of the stage to speak with our chief of security. The sooner you do this, the sooner we can end this meeting.

Thank you and Power On!

So Speaks Master Lucius!


From: Christian Garcia

Subject: Notes for Personal Assistants to Master Lucius Selig

Congratulations on your appointment as an assistant to Master Lucius Selig! For the time being you’ll be working within close proximity to the most powerful being in the multiverse. It is one of the highest honors within the Power of Positive Mechanics church to be selected for this temporary assignment.

You must be very excited, but we insist that you keep this news a secret for security reasons. There are people out there, forces who embody powerful Negative Thought Patterns. These people are trying to undermine Master Lucius’ divine work. Our teacher is in constant danger. If we suspect that you told anyone of this assignment, we will immediately terminate your employment with Portals Bermuda and recommend that you attend realignment therapy. If anyone asks why you are not at your normal post in Portals, you are to tell them that you are attending a training seminar.

You must report to Master Lucius’ office by 8 a.m. every morning. For security reasons this office moves to a different dimension each day. In the next few days I will give you a document called a “one-time encryption pad.” An “OTEP” is a secret code, a cipher key that only works on certain days. By using this key against a code we broadcast over Portals Bermuda Radio you can learn the coordinates of Master Lucius’ office. Enter these coordinates into the wormhole computer to be transported there. Make sure that you are not followed. Carelessness will result in immediate termination and we will recommend that you attend realignment therapy.

The Master’s office is a small trailer. Do not be fooled by its humble appearance! This is one of the holiest places in the multiverse. You are not to enter the trailer. Failure to obey this rule will result in your immediate termination and we will recommend that you attend realignment therapy.

You will likely not see Master Lucius for the duration of the assignment. This does not mean that Master Lucius does not appreciate your service. He is extremely cautious about his safety in light of the recent threats against him. Should you see Master Lucius in person, however, you are to speak only when spoken to. Failure to do so will result in immediate termination and we will recommend that you attend realignment therapy.

It is more likely that Master Lucius will communicate with you through handwritten notes slipped under his office door. You are to respond to any of his requests immediately. You are to burn these notes upon reading them. Failure to do so, to save them as a “souvenir” of your assignment will be grounds for immediate termination and we will recommend that you attend realignment therapy.

Your shift will end at 7 p.m. each evening. Before you leave you will leave two unopened bottles of beer from the mini-fridge on a tray in front of Master Lucius’ door along with the covered and sealed dinner provided by Our Teacher’s personal chef. Tampering with this food in any way will be grounds for your termination and we will recommend that you attend realignment therapy.

Our Teacher’s safety and peace of mind is your utmost concern. Please report any suspicious behavior among the guests or staff directly to myself or to the head of security.

I look forward to working with you in the future. Power On, young intern!

Christian Garcia,

Acolyte to Master Lucius and Program Director, Portals Bermuda

“As the Acolyte serves The Master, so Positive Mechanics serves Humankind.” — Master Lucius Selig


Christian, How Dare You?!

Christian: I am furious with your incompetence. Your internship program— Where are you finding these losers? Security handed this transcript to me this morning. The offenders have been sent to the usual place.

Are you well, Christian? Are negative thought patterns creeping into your mind? If so, then deal with them immediately. I love you, but I cannot tolerate mediocre behavior, not when the Charter is moving in on us. — L.

Surveillance of employee break room

Recording begins:

Male Voice 1: Hey, Emily. How’s it going out there today?

Female Voice: Awful. Can I bum one of those from you?

MV1: Sure thing.

[lighter sound]

FV: Ah... Thank Jesus.

MV1: That bad, huh?

FV: You don’t know the half of it. I’ve been on my feet for something like ten hours today.

MV1: No way!

FV: Yeah. A bunch of the staff over at the Carboniferous Resort came down with dysentery yesterday, so the team leaders sent some of us over there to help out. Nothing huge, they just needed us to fill in some empty slots for the sunrise yoga session; you know how they like to make it look like it’s packed.

MV1: Mhm.

FV: Just some yoga. No big deal right? Except halfway through the session one of those flies from the swamp bit me and practically took a chunk out of my arm. Here. See?

MV1: Holy— That’s disgusting! What did you do?

FV: What do you think I did? I screamed my head off. Scared the hell out of everyone there. Almost gave one poor old lady a heart attack.

MV1: Ha! You’re lucky it wasn’t one of those freaking centipedes.

FV: Don’t even mention those things. Gross. So everyone’s staring at me. Bad enough, right? Then Tessa comes out and, in front of everyone there, she takes me by the arm and drags me away so she can scold me.

MV1: I hate Tessa.

FV: Me too. I hate the way she talks to you. “Now, Emily, what did you do out there today? How do you think your actions affected the paying guests? Why can’t you manage your negative thought patterns?” Then she wrote me up.

MV1: No!

FV: It’s my second one. They’ll send me to realignment if I get in trouble again.

MV1: That sucks.

[Sound of a door opening.]

MV2: Greetings, Emily. Power On, Ben. How are your Zones of Positive Influence today?

FV: Hey, Dwayne.

MV1: Dwayne.

MV2: I see you two are smoking again. Tsk. You know, Master Lucius says that all needs are met through the self. So why do you feel that you need a cigarette to “relax?”

MV1: Dwayne, if it bothers you that much I’ll put it out.

MV2: Me? Never! My Zone of Positive Influence is so thick it could stop a bullet. Your gross cigarette smoke can’t even touch me.

FV: Yay for you.

MV1: Anyways. Where’d you go afterward, Emily?

FV: I had to teleport over to medical to get the bite looked at and then I had my regular shift over at the Nectar Cabana in Viridian Heights. I was 20 minutes late and got yelled at again.

MV1: Carboniferous, Medical, then Viridian. That’s a lot of teleporting. That stuff always makes me feel sick.

FV: Yeah. Don’t tell anyone but I vommed on the way over there.

MV1: In the wormhole?

FV: Yup.

MV1: Ha! Rookie!

FV: I feel bad for whoever teleported after me. Does puke float around in a wormhole?

MV1: Hahah! Oh god I hope so. Hey, maybe Tess went through after you.

FV: That would be perfect!

MV1: Now that would be karma for you. I’d start taking this religion seriously again if that happened.

MV2: Watch your mouth, Ben! How dare you talk like that here?

MV1: In the break room?

MV2: You know what I mean. Here. Master Lucius built this place. He built Portals Bermuda for people like us, Ben. He didn’t have to. Positive Mechanics teaches us the divinity of the self, but what Lucius did was selfless and kind. He did this so that we could become better people through Positive Mechanics.

MV1: You’re a dork, Dwayne. Do you know that?

MV2: I am not a dork! I’m not going to sit here and listen to you blaspheme my religion just because you can’t control your own negative thought patterns!

MV1: You know, I put up with a lot of crap at this job. I’m sorry, this unpaid internship. Lousy hours. Lousy food. I got frostbite on Todos 7 last week and my manager told me to deal with it by focusing my positive intentions. I almost lost a finger. If you think that if I’m going to suck that up with a smile on my face you’re—

Tessa (over the intercom): Emily. Ben. Report to my office. Right now.

MV1: What the hell?

FV: Did you just — tattle on us, Dwayne?

MV2: I’m sorry. Your negative thought patterns are out of control. I wouldn’t be a good employee if I allowed you to infect the guests with your destructive emotions. I just texted Tess to tell her that you two needed realignment with our values.

MV1: You’re not an “employee,” Dwayne, you lobotomized little tool.

FV: You know cell phones are banned here, right?

MV2: Not in the break room, Em! You’d better hurry up and talk to Tess now. Realignment isn’t that fun from what I hear and you definitely don’t want to end up mining for Lucian Crystals.

MV1: You narc!

MV2: Atheist!

[Crashing noises.]

MV2: Help! He’s attacking my faith!

[Recording ends.]

So Speaks Master Lucius!




Effective immediately I will no longer appear in public. The Charter is here. They have to be. I know they’re looking for me. They’re waiting — for what? To arrest me? Assassinate me?

Let’s look at the facts: The number of visitors within Portals Bermuda does not match the number of tickets we’ve sold outside of Portals Bermuda. Time inside Portals does not match time outside Portals. It is possible that people are coming to Portals from somewhere in the future, but the numbers do not make sense. There are plants here. Double agents. They’re looking for me. Charter. It has to be.

On the other hand, I’ve heard the complaints of paying customers. They come here expecting certain things. One of those is to see Master Lucius himself. The miserable part of this situation is that I cannot afford to disappoint any of our guests. It would create a paradox. I’ve realized, too late, that my success isn’t a choice. I MUST succeed or else I will sabotage my own timeline, erase my own existence, fail myself right into oblivion.

Hell, I’ll just come out and say it: I’m a god, Christian. Gods cannot fail. If they fail, they cease to be gods. Do you understand, Christian? Do you understand now why I push you so hard? If I fail, this whole place fails and everyone here CEASES TO EXIST. THEY DEPEND ON ME FOR LIFE. I AM A GOD. I WISH I WASN’T, BUT IT’S TRUE.

I will ascend. That is what I will do. Ascend to the heavens. I will satisfy the people who wish to see Master Lucius while protecting my divine self from the traps and snares set for me by the Charter.

Christian, you are to have the staff build me an impenetrable metal sphere. It will protect me. It will float high above the crowds. It will be bulletproof, laser proof, negative thought pattern-proof. It will have a set of flight controls, so I can pilot myself high above the heads of those who wish to see me, high above the heads of those who would try to harm me. It will have temporary living quarters inside, if I never need to escape my office.

It will have a saddle.

You will have the staff build this for me. Right now. I won’t be able to sleep until my sphere is complete. If anyone fails, it is because they are working for the Charter. Hand them over to security. If I cannot fail, then no one else is allowed to either!

— Master God Lucius Selig

So Speaks Master Lucius!



I have to speak up: You can’t hide in your trailer forever, Lucius. I miss you. It’s been weeks since we went out for dinner or even took a walk together.

But don’t come out for my sake. The staff, the guests, they all know something is wrong. They hear rumors about you, and they’re not good. You haven’t been helping with your constant flood of paranoid, ranting memos. Your security team is turning Portals into a police state. Who would pay to come here? Your followers are worried you’re losing it. We need to prove— now— that you’re of sound mind or people will start to leave us.

I don’t know who put the idea of The Charter in your head. I’ve never seen someone from the Charter. I have no idea who you’re talking about. There are no enemies here, Lucius, just friends and loved ones who are worried about you.

Come out. Just this once. Please. I scheduled a book signing for us back at the usual place. There are some investors there who would like to meet you. They’re excited to learn more about Portals. If you think we’re making bank now, just wait! If these two are legit we’ll be set for several lifetimes.

It’s this Saturday. Please agree to it. I know you’ll knock ‘em dead.

Love you!

— C.

“As the Acolyte serves The Master, so Positive Mechanics serves Humankind.” — Master Lucius Selig



I’m writing this to myself from... some crappy motel in the middle of the godforsaken desert. Who cares?

I’ve been hurt. They got me. The Charter. It was about a day ago at a book signing. Since then, my memories about that day are going away. The pain comes. Headaches. I black out and when I do, I lose something. I remember them putting me into a car with Christian, but then the trip here is gone.

I might just be delirious but I think the memory loss is part of something else. I feel— less. And then this morning, when I came to, I tried to travel back to Portals Bermuda, but I couldn’t. It hurt. It’s like there’s an electric fence around my psyche. If I touch it, I black out. I vomit.

Christian helped them. He set me up. He left me a “Dear John” letter on the nightstand. He said I was turning into a monster and that I needed to be stopped. That’s why he helped them get to me.

“I watched you build yourself up from nothing when you were close to living on the street back in Mendocino. I know that you can do it again. Hopefully the Lucius that emerges will be more deserving of his success.”

Traitor! Sneak!

There were two of them, a woman and a man, although they looked so much alike. She cupped her hands over my head and teleported with me against my will. To a desert. Nowhere on Earth. The sky was dark red and there was a sick, anemic whining sound all around me.

They “punished” me. They made me suffer. They told me that they would fix me, correct the part of myself that allowed me to travel to other dimensions. The whining sound got worse. My vision was filled with twisting wires; whenever one touched me it sent a shock through my brain. I couldn’t close my eyes. The wires were behind my eyes. The way they twisted, never stopping. I’ve never felt so sick in my life.

It hasn’t gone away! Even here I can still feel it. Every time I try to travel! They broke me!

This is to remind myself: I earned everything. Everything I had, I made for myself. They stole — no— they burned it. I will not forget this. I will come back. Better than before. Dad’s study. Find his safe. His notes on the Nimsesku experiment. I’ll fix myself. And when I do? I’ll pay all of them a visit.

Power On!

So Speaks Master Lucius!

Known Person(s)/Entities

Lucius Selig


Power of Positive Mechanics